I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
love makes seman taste better
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
