do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
