I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
