I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
