just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
