My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
