i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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