currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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