btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
