cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Someone shit on the floor
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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