i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
