I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
