Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
