anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
