it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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