He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She bit a glass in half.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
