i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
