Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
