On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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