just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
