you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
