They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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