I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
