I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
