Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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