Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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