Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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