i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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