1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
