oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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