but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think my moral compass just broke
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
