I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
