im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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