Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
