you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
