That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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