did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
