i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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