i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
