I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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