i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
40s are totally the cure
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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