So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
