he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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