I just pynch a tree in the face
we made out on top of his cat.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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