Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
