OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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