you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Your cock deserves a montage
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
