I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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