need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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