I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
