I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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