Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
