Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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