3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
