is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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